Waffles, Man.

Ya ever think about waffles? I mean, I'm sure you do right before you eat them or when you see them on the menu at Denny's, but have you ever really thought about them? Like, who decided to take pancakes and put square indentations in them? Why? Why is this necessary? You need to buy a whole other device just to make waffles and that device is only used when making waffles. Talk about expensive for one food item. And then you have to store the waffle iron when you're not using it, which is most of the time, unless your house is the Waffle House. And those silly square indentations. Like Mitch Hedberg has said, they are like traps for syrup. And then the butter. What a problem. It only gets into some of the squares. And then one or two of the squares are LOADED with butter and some of them have none. But it's impossible to evenly distribute the butter unless you really took your time. And who wants to take their time buttering a waffle? I just want to eat it. They are so delicious. But yet, so complicated. I love waffles, man, don't get me wrong. They are just weird to think about. It's a delicious dilemma.

Cops and Robbers

In the last few days, there has been a spree of robberies in Clarks Summit. Yes, that's right, Clarks Summit.  He/She/They have attacked Nikki's Hoagies, Dino and Francesco's, and stole a rifle from Fiorillo's Pizza. Yes, a rifle. I don't know either. But anyway, it got me thinking of an old family story. When my Noni worked at IGA, someone tried to rob the cash register she was working. This story never gets old. She was working the night shift when someone came up and demanded the money in the cash register. Of course, my Noni would never give in to these ridiculous demands. So, the man punched her in the nose. Why am I telling you this? I have no idea. It really has no purpose, other than, my Noni can take a punch in the nose, literally.

Going to See the President of the United States

I went to see the President today. I'll do this like a timeline.
Monday - 4 pm, stand in line for tickets to see the President on Wednesday
Wednesday - take final, go to see the president approx 1:15PM
                    -stand in line for a little while
                    -text from Uncle Mark, Obama is on River Street waving to my Nana and Grandpa
                    -front of the line, 3 people ahead of us approx 2PM
                    -big man in suit (BMIS) opens door, says fire marshal has to reassess the place
                    -approx 2:15PM BMIS opens door, says too many people fire marshal will not let us in
                    -people start yelling, BMIS closes door
                    -mass confusion among all people outside
                    -people running to door yelling "let us in"
                    -lady crying approx 2:18PM
                    -people leaving, most staying around yelling and upset and still, one lady crying
                    -(keep in mind, when given the tickets, we were told "if you have tickets you are guaranteed to get in)
                    -reporter comes outside approx 2:30PM
                   - talks to some people
                   -then goes in media door, mass crowd of people, including me, follow trying to get in the door
                   -mass crowd of people turned away by BMIS
                   -many people just waiting to see the prez drive through the parking lot
                   -apparently Obama snuck in back and has been there for 15 min or more
                   -mass crowd of people upset
                   -stick around for a little while
                   -walk to parking lot, telling other people just arriving to turn around and go home
                   -walk to parking lot, it is freezing
                   -go to Sonic
                   -eat tots
                   -not see the President of the United States speak

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I know I haven't posted in a while, but I've been super busy training for Black Friday like a boss and now it's all over and I am super tired and own a ukulele. There is less than a month until Christmas, and in my opinion and Andy Williams',  it's the most wonderful time of the year. Chocolate pie, mashed potatoes, presents, chocolate pie, and the most important thing ever chocolate pie family. I just love the holidays because everyone comes around and my family is nutty so we do nutty things like watch the old people play super mario and and mix up the mashed potatoes with the alfredo sauce have ravioli eating contests and eat 400 mini hotdogs that my Nana makes. It just makes me happy. There is Christmas music on the radio and I just can't help but smile. I walk into the mall and there are Christmas decorations everywhere and I hear the Christmas music and Santa Claus is there giving out cheap gifts and getting his picture taken with the kids. It's just.....the most wonderful time of the year. I'm still tired from Friday so I'm going to go eat chocolate pie and practice my ukulele until I fall asleep. Happy Holidays, bloggers.

Songs for Every Occasion

It's amazing the power that a song can have. It can trigger memories or create new ones. It can bring a room full of people together. If you're like me, you have a song for everything. Certain songs trigger things. Like, when I hear the Boondock Saints Theme, I think of Scranton St. Paddy's Day Parade. I don't know why exactly, because they don't play that, but I do. When I hear Radio by Beyonce, I think of warming up in jazz class and I automatically feel like I should be stretching or something. I went to Obama's Inauguration  a few years ago, and we hit some major traffic from Annapolis to DC, but on the radio in the car was a Kenny Chesney song, "Beer in Mexico." Whenever I hear that, I think of my Inauguration experience. I can keep going on and on and on, but I'll stop. The world is ending today, we don't have much time, and you don't want to waste your time reading all of my song memories.
People also designate songs for certain occasions. Like, wedding songs for example. My Mom and Dad's was the theme from Ice Castles. When I hear that song, I also think of an Everybody Loves Raymond episode entitled "Alone Time." Watch it, it's one of my favorites. I have certain songs for doing things. Like, Beyonce's "Get Me Bodied" is a great song for the elliptical. When I hear that song elsewhere, I feel out of place and look around for an elliptical machine. I also think of this ridiculous time I was watching Kathie Lee and Hoda on the 4th hour of the Today Show (yes, I watch them and I'm not afraid to admit it) and they were dancing to it with some male backup dancers. I'm sure there is a video of it on youtube. I'll post the link. I never laughed so hard at morning television in my life. I was just unloading the dishwasher, and I even have a dishwasher unloading song. "Hold On" by Wilson Phillips. Why? I have no idea. But, I don't event think about what I'm doing because I get so into the song and then, before you know, the dishwasher is unloaded and ready for another round.
Today is supposed to be the end of the world according to Harold Camping. I went to see Matt Nathanson recently and he was talking about Camping's prediction of the end of the world in May and he wrote a song in which he would like to be the theme of the rapture. And since today is the rescheduled rapture, I've been listening to that song all day. "Room at the End of the World." It's the rapture theme....listen to it. And have a fabulous last day on Earth. Maybe I'll catch ya'll upstairs.


Kathie Lee and Hoda dancing to Beyonce : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvR9qSTxD78

End of Everybody Loves Raymond episode, "Alone Time" : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-exkwsGjNc

GOD TAKES SUMMERS OFF

Funny, I was just driving along today when I noticed a sign in front of a church which read, "It's fall, time to go back to church again!" And I thought, wait a second. Has church become like school? Do I get summers off now? Why was I not aware of this? Does Jesus get three months off? Does God get three months off now? If I pray during the summer do they toss it aside for the fall? Do priests get the summer off? What if I have to get something off my chest? Who do I confess to? What if someone dies? Are they put in a line at the gate of Heaven (or Hell) that reads, "Opens Again in the Fall?"I bet they still run the collection baskets during the summer months. Where do these churches even get money to stay open? I'm sure giving them a dollar a week doesn't help much. Especially if they're off in the summer. Does faith now take a holiday? Is it unholy to be holy in the summer?  Do they stop printing the Bible during summer months? Should I not open the Bible during the summer? Where would I find a Bible in my house? Should I be at all concerned that God is not working in the summer? How come I have not seen this advertised at other churches? Wouldn't this be in the church bulletin? You would think it would be the headline : GOD TAKES SUMMER OFF : Church Will Follow. Maybe that's why there were so many disasters this year. God took some time off. Is the world really ending? Could December 22, 2012 really be the end of life as I know it? What would happen to the Earth? Where would all the people go? I hear Heaven is already crowded. What about life on other planets? Would they all die too? Is there life on other planets? I wonder where those planets would be. Does space just go on forever? How could it go on forever? But where would it end? What would be after that? Nothing? How can there be nothing? What is nothing? There couldn't be nothing in place of Earth and us. What was there before us? before Earth? Where did time start? the beginning of time? What is that? How could time just begin? How could it just end? What was before time? Before that? Anyway, if the people upstairs take the summers off, I think everyone should have the summers off. Kind of like, Sundays,  unless you're a nurse or doctor. You have to work weekends, holidays, all that other crap. Which is why I will not be one of those. Plus, I don't really like science. Unless it has to do with marine life.

Who are "They?"

My mother today said to me, "ya know, they say that a splash of red is really in this season." I looked at her sort of puzzled and thought, who is they? Or, well, who are they? Usually, when she says "they" she means anyone on the Today Show because whatever Matt Lauer says is the ultimate truth, but it puzzles me. Even as I watch Kathie Lee and Hoda in the morning, they will say, "Ya know, they say you have to wash your hands for at least thirty seconds." Or, "Ya know, they say it's ok to drink well before noon." Who is this "they?" Is there a group of people out there that call themselves "THEY" that get together every so often and have meetings and come up with these ridiculous "facts" and "trends." It's starting to worry me. They are influencing the world. Kind of like Oprah. I'm desperate to know who these people are. It goes across the board, even with movie or TV reviews. My mom and I were talking about the new Charlie's Angels the other day and she says to me, "they said that was awful." Who? Who said it was awful? Who's they? Cite your sources, people.

The Oprah Effect

I never really thought about it before, but Oprah is definitely the most powerful person in the world. She has been on the air for several decades, therefore, has touched the lives of many women...and men. She now has her very OWN (pun intended) television station. She's had her own magazine, which she is always on the cover of. She comes across as a normal woman with the same struggles and every day people, she just has billions of dollars more than the rest of us. But, when you think about it, she influences the every day lives of these people. She tells them to read a book, it becomes a best seller. She tells them to buy KFC's grilled chicken, they run out of chicken. My sister was in the car with her friend and her mother one day and the mom's phone rang and she said, "Answer that, I promised Oprah I wouldn't." It's incredible. She is like a God to some people. I am surprised that there is no Oprah religion. Who knows? Maybe there is and I just don't know about it. I guess it's good that it's Oprah that has this effect, and not, say, Lindsay Lohan, but it is still a little scary when you think about it.

Dear PA Department of Transportation

I cannot drive down any NEPA road without hitting a pot hole. It is impossible. I can't ride a scooter without nearly dying. And rollerskating? Forget it. But the worst part of it all, my CD's are all ruined. Every time I hit a pot hole, which is about every two seconds, the CD skips. Then, it eventually is permanently ruined. My Britney Spears CD now goes..."I I I I Wanna I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I." Talk about annoying. So, I think that the state of Pennsylvania should do something about this.  Here's my proposal. Pave the roads, replace PA drivers' CD's. I should file a claim for all the CD's these roads have ruined. Well, this is my venting session for today.

Power's Out? Again?

I live in a neighborhood that does not have too many trees I guess. I don't know what it would matter seeing as our power lines are underground. But somehow, our power seems to go out at least twice a week.   There is a little breeze and the power is out. Forget that, someone sneezes and the power goes out. This has proven to be a real problem. Usually when the power goes out, I need to print something, or submit a paper online or something ridiculously important. I have noticed that many people in the neighborhood have invested in generators. Every time the power goes out, I swear I hear another one added to the group. But I know, if I buy a generator, the power will never go out. That's just the way my life works. It's sad and unfortunate. So much for the luck of the Irish. Do Italians statistically have bad luck? Maybe I've inherited their side. Whatever it is, PPL needs to step up and fix this problem, because I do no understand it one bit. I am afraid one day we will never have power. I will move and the power will go out. I will get out of bed and the power will go out. Oh wait, that happened this morning. Thanks, Irene.

Going to the Dentist : The Soundtrack

I was sitting in the car on Friday on my way to Boston when a song came on the radio that I know I've heard a thousand times. Then I realized, every time I am anxiously waiting to get my teeth cleaned because it's just so fun and exciting, this song is playing. Maybe not, maybe I just heard it once in the dentist office waiting room and it just screams TEETH CLEANING SOON, or maybe it's THE dentist office waiting room song.

Long Run - The Eagles

I Survived the Quake 2011

So, in my modern belief class with Sister Mary Ann, just chilling. Ya know, first day of class stuff. I felt this weird movement from below. FIghting the urge to turn around and yell at the person behind me to stop kicking my seat, I sat there in disgust. Then I realized that I was in the last row and no one was behind me and the building was moving. Everyone started looking around at each other and we were all asking what was going on. It felt like an earthquake. Oh, the irony of my thoughts. Sister Mary Ann didn't even miss a beat, she just kept talking about some long word that begins with an H. A few minutes later the guy next to me puts his phone on  my desk with a message from NBC. An earthquake had hit Virginia. I couldn't contain my excitement. I don't know why I was excited. It was just thrilling and had my adrenaline rushing.   Sister Mary Ann let out of class early and I walked outside and everyone is sitting there yelling and talking on the phone. DID YOU FEEL THE EARTHQUAKE? I couldn't escape this. Every where I went it was earthquake central. Earthquake epicenter. It was the only thing everyone was talking about.
So, on my way home, I stopped in KFC. There was a perfectly lovely African American woman in front of me who was trying to decide what to order. It was taking her a while, but I didn't really care. I survived an earthquake. So, she finishes and steps aside and I pull up to the counter and order my mashed potato bowl and step to the side. I heard the woman say, "Oh man how about that earthquake?" The woman next to her said she didn't feel it, and that's when I jumped in to the convo and told my story. This African American woman just made my day. She let me talk about the earthquake that I had just survived and she just seemed like an awesome person. She then chimes in with her story, (read with big black woman voice) "I was sitting on my bed and it just started movie and I was like, OH MY GOD what's happening? Who's movie my bed? I'm the only one home?" She cracked me up. We talked for a while and voila, I made a new friend in KFC. A fellow earthquake survivor. I'm meeting her next week, same time, same place.  It's nice how tragedies bring people together. However, I wouldn't classify this as a tragedy from my end, but maybe for some people down in Virginia it was. Hope all is well. Anyway, my adrenaline is still rushing and this blog entry is allllll overrr the place, I know. I just had to get these thoughts down and tell someone how this lovely black woman made my day. Come to think of it, I don't know her name... I guess I'll find out when we have lunch next week.

Friends from All Over the World

When you walk into a store and the man or lady working there greets you with a smile and an "i love this job" attitude, it just makes you feel good or something. This also translates over the phone. I have recently been on the phone with many tech people from all over the world trying to fix my bad internet access and hook up my wireless printer and fix my TV with the new dumb box things from Comcast and I have come across many a miserable tech support people. But I have also made some fabulous, lifelong friends. I met this man named Jumar from the Philippines who I talked to for a good three or four days. He called me back when he was supposed to and Seinfeld is one of his favorite shows, so we connected instantly. I still think about calling him just for the heck of it because I was so used to speaking to him everyday, it seems weird now that I am not on the phone with a man I've never met before from halfway across the world for four or five hours every day. My favorite lady ever is a woman from Florida whose name is Corrine. She greeted me with the happiest, cheeriest, yet not too over-the-top, voice, "Weelllcome to Comcast support, my name is Corrine, hoow may I help you, today, dear?" We had a lovely conversation about the weather in PA vs. the weather in FL and our favorite TV shows and she gave me some great words to live by, like, "Life is a challenge" and she was just a perfectly lovely, "old" (her word, not mine) woman who I would love to meet, possibly, maybe, someday. Is it weird to meet someone you met through tech support? Never mind, don't answer that. I already have. Anyway, we did not speak everyday like Jumar, but she fixed my problem and was impressed that I set up the boxes myself. (yay, go me) Maybe, I'll give her call just for the heck of it.

Happy 50th, Princess of Wales. Rest in Peace.

I've been thinking a lot lately, something I don't usually do much, I guess. I grew up following the Royal family, unitentionally, if that's at all possible. Mainly, I was fascinated with Diana, but I mean, who wasn't? The Princess of Wales reminded me of someone. She looked just like her, my cousin Ann. And in this weird way, I've been able to connect to Annie through reading about Diana. Diana passed away almost a full two years before Annie did, and I was only 6 or 7 when Annie died. But I remember every little thing about her. It's weird. Ann went to London when Diana was tragically killed in that tunnel in Paris on August 31, 1997.  She used to tell me things about the princess and the princess was splattered across every TV and magazine I ever came across and she looked just like in her in my eyes. I have seen Diana and Charles' wedding multiple times and it was just incredible. A real life fairy tale. I was hooked. I've learned now that Diana's life was far from that of a fairy tale, but she was such a strong person, like I saw Annie. When I read about Di, it's like Ann's reading it to me. It's neat in a sort of weird way. This year, this Friday to be exact, the princess would be 50 years old. And though we all wish she was still physically with us, she will always be with us in a weird way, just like Annie is to me. So, Happy 50th Birthday, Queen of our Hearts. You are forever missed and forever dearly loved.

Hello, I'm Back, Weirdos.

It's been a while since I've updated. Things have been quite hectic lately. Like tonight. I was coming home from my friend's house when I saw the strangest thing I have ever seen in my life. Why am I a weirdo magnet? I was driving down the road when I saw this man. He had a white top on and black pants, kinda fancyish. He had dark, long, curly hair with what looked like several hair wraps. His arms were folded neatly across his chest. He had a very stern, serious look on his face. He kept walking down the road. I slowed down to get a better look at him. I then saw about eight cars come out of a parking lot and they all stopped dead in their tracks when they saw this guy. The man did not pay any attention to them or me and kept on walking. He never blinked. Then, a man from one of the vehicles got out and began to do what looked like some kind of tribal dance in front of this guy. The man did not blink, did not flinch. He just kept on walking. By this point, I was stopped in the middle of road, a little bit ahead of all this strange action. The tribal dance dude got back into his car and they all decided to drive away. The man kept on walking. So I drove away too.

The Best Thing Ever

The best thing ever is ice cream. But the second best thing ever is when you find someone who understands your craziness. I consider myself crazy and outlandish. I do wacky things that most people would never do or even think of doing. Luckily, I have someone who can act like a fool with me. My cousin and absolute best friend, Lindsay. Where would I be if I didn't have Lindsay? Obviously not writing this blog post. Instead I might be writing about a chip that is shaped like Jesus, but no, my life is more interesting than that. Since I have known Lindsay since I was born, I'd say we go way back. We can discuss things that other people would not understand. Take Noni for instance. Never mind, I can't discuss my grandmother with you because you just wouldn't understand unless the person reading this is Lindsay. I recall late nights at Denny's or Ruby Tuesdays and photoshoots in a Sheetz parking lot along with sitting in fron the courthouse in Scranton admiring the beautiful people that walk by. Did I ever mention I love people watching? It brings me great joy. Anyway, I recall countless concerts and family get togethers and weird conversations that no one else would ever understand. I recall planning our futures together, like being on the Amazing Race and living in New York City and playing flash light tag in a jungle in Africa. Wait, I don't think we ever discussed that last one. "Whatever."- Uncle John. I recall a lunch date at Moe's. Oh, wait, that was today. I recall ravioli eating contests on Christmas Day. I recall adventures to nowhere, which for some reason reminded me that I really want to go the Manning's farm. Anyway, Linds, I know you are reading this because I know you read my blog along with everyone else who cares about me, (oh., wait, I'm the Robert Barone of the family) thanks for being around and laughing at my dumb jokes and taking me everywhere and providing me with fond memories and thanks especially for being your crazy self, because, I'd be lost without you. (It would be really cool to be on the show LOST, if it was still on. it would be even cooler if I knew what happened in that show even though I watched every episode)

Mattress King

I ponder many things in life. What is the meaning of life? What is beyond space? What was before the beginning of time? What is nothing? Why did the cowboys get kicked off The Amazing Race? But the one that puzzles me the most is, why are there so many mattress stores? I feel like every where I go there are tons of mattress stores. At the Shoppes at Montage alone there are at least two mattress stores, unless another has popped up since I've been there last. Yesterday I was in King of Prussia and in a mile stretch there were three mattress stores. Are people really buying that many mattresses? Do they make disposable mattresses like my disposable cameras? I've never heard of anyone using a mattress once and then throwing it away. I don't see piles of mattresses on the bottom of people's driveways on garbage days. I suppose if you had bed bugs, sure get rid of your mattresses. But, how many people really have bed bugs? How many people even buy a new mattress every year? This puzzles the crap out of me. Every where I look I see a Sleepy's or a Mattress World or a Mattress King. How do they stay in business? If someone has an answer I would love to know. If these stores are making an enormous profit somehow, maybe I'll open one. And a Cheesecake Factory. We need one of those around here.

I'm Moving

It may be a weird concept to think about for some folk, but, it would be very possible to live in Sam's Club. Just the other day I was there. I was getting some photos developed and waiting for them to fill a prescription. I saw that they were showing King Kong on a TV in the back. Of course, I sat down on the nice brand new couch placed perfectly in front of the TV. That is when I noticed a free sample woman giving out, (well what do ya know) free samples of popcorn! I went over and grabbed some and immediately resumed watching King Kong. I also realized about an hour into the movie, that I could indeed control the DVD player. There was no other King Kong viewers nearby so I went up and hit pause to check out the store for more free samples. Bagel Bites, a new kind of Gatorade, even gum were among the many free samples I was receiving. I also went to the food counter and bought the hot dog combo for $1.70, which I loved because you get one of those giant cups that you can just keep refilling because nobody cares. So, buffet in hand, I headed back over to my own personal movie theatre in the back and continued to watch King Kong until my mother came over to inform me that she wanted to go to Lowe's and Home Depot. Can someone say BORING?! So I somehow convinced her to let me stay and finish the movie, which is a very long one I might add, and that was my fun for the day. I would love to live in Sam's Club. They have every gaming system, a wide variety of food, many TV's, free samples, lockers and showers in the employee locker room (which I have never snuck into), and very nice, remodeled bathrooms. At Thanksgiving, they pretty much free sample a Thanksgiving dinner, with turkey and mashed potatoes and even chocolate cake. I have learned over the years that Thursday is the best free sample day, just so ya know, whoever reads this, probably nobody. I think that may be a run on sentence. Oh well, that's it. I'm moving Sam's Club.

Bring the Spring

Yesterday was a beautiful day. 68 degrees. Sun was shining. I was laying on the trampoline in shorts. (could've done without the wind, but whatever) And yes, I was laying, not jumping. Thursday was also a beautiful day. The sun was shining. The sky was blue. I drove home from school with Carrie Underwood blasting and the windows down. It was a perfectly lovely day. I just came in from outside right now on this Saturday the 19th of March. I couldn't tell if it was snowing or raining or if it was just ice falling out of the sky. I checked the weather forecast, it's going to snow next week and the high will be 32 degrees on Tuesday. What is this? I hate being teased with this nice weather only to be buried in snow two days later. I know I live in Northeast PA and all, but come on mother nature, make up your mind. Or, I'll just do it for you. Bring the spring weather. Thanks.

Sheen's Korner of Krazy

So, Rosanne Barr said today that she feels sorry for Charlie Sheen because he had to work with Chuck Lorre. And it is making me wonder, is Charlie the crazy one, or is Chuck? She claims that Chuck Lorre constantly showed up to work drunk. Sizzle. Losing. Bye. In Sheen's Korner tonight, Charlie looked only about a thousand times better than he did yesterday. He went after all of the "trolls" in tonight's broadcast....Jon Cryer, Chuck Lorre...etc. He ranted about Chuck Lorre, or Chuck-ee-cheese-ball, or Fcuk Borre, as he referred to Lorre as. "If sad and stupid had a fowl odor attached to it, it would be you." he said, speaking of Chuck Lorre. "You are no match for this warlock." He then granted us, the non-trolls, his tiger blood, which I was pretty excited about. "Those who deserve it, now possess it. Use it wisely, I know you will." So now, I shall take my tiger blood and use it to write the "why am i winning?" part of my tiger blood intern application. Goodnight.

Celebrity Eyesight

I think my mom is losing her, what I will call, celebrity eyesight. Yesterday, she was watching a movie. The Super, an early 90's film with Joe Pesci, and, according to my mom, Tina Fey. I was walking into the kitchen when I heard her say, "Hey, Erica, you should come watch this movie with me. It's pretty funny. and Tina Fey is in it." So, naturally, I came in and sat down to watch it with her. Twenty minutes later, I'm sitting there wondering, where is Tina Fey? So, I asked my mother...who was Tina Fey and where is she? She was apparently, according to my mom, Naomi Besinger. The actress that played this woman is Madolyn Smith Osborne. Ever heard of her? Yeah, me niether. She looked nothing like Tina Fey. Ok, she wore glasses, much different than Ms. Fey's, but whatever, I'll give my mom that much. My mother also believes that the lady in the beginning of the new Dish Network commercials who gets run over by the hockey player is Eva Longoria. It's not. We argue every time the commercial comes on. Only resemblance I see is that she has the same hair color as Eva Lonogoria, but it's not nearly as thick. I guess when you get a little older, you begin to lose, not only your ability to see or read clearly, but your ability to recognize celebrities.

Super Sunday

So, today is super Sunday. It's the last Parade Committee meeting before the big day. My favorite day of the year. Parade Day. I enjoy listening the sounds of bagpipes and firetrucks and drunk people. Since I include people-watching as one of my favorite hobbies, this day is prime for me. So many people. So many different people. So many weird people. So many normal people. So many drunk people. So many Irish people. I don't understand why anyone would not want to head to Scranton for the biggest day of the year. Besides the nice people you meet, there are clown and the Pixie Chicks and the Black Diamond bagpipers and Homer the nutty plumber and funny hats and shamrock suntans from the stickers you put on your face. I actually don't know if the Pixie Chicks still participate in the parade. This year, since it's the 50th anniversary, I get to go to a big breakfast and all that jazz. Definetly looking forward to it. But then again, when is anyone not looking forward to Parade Day?

Finding the Nealon's

I decided to try and convince my mother to make our house underwater themed. The entire house. I think it would be pretty sweet looking. I would paint the walls to look like water and paint fish on it and get sea-inspired plants and furniture (like in a fish tank). I wouldn't need carpet or hard wood flooring, I would just put sand on the floor. Then I wouldn't hear the vaccuum running twenty million times a day. If the floor is sand, there's no need to vaccuum. I think it's a fantastic idea. I could even get beach smelling air freshener or salt water air freshener. I'm not sure if they make those, but I'd be willing to invent it. We wouldn't have to worry about people taking their shoes off when they come in the door. I think it would be cheap and fantastic looking. It would be just great! I better get to Lowe's.

Weirdo Magnet

I realized today while I was in TJ Maxx that the weirdest things happen to me. Or maybe it's just that I do the weirdest things. Or maybe, I'm just in the right place at the weird time. I was minding my business, checking the clearance racks in TJ Maxx when a woman dressed in Uggs and a bathrobe and nothing else walked in the store. I did a double take. I didn't believe what I was seeing. But yes, this woman wearing practically nothing was just waltzing through the store. Just last week, I was at my sister's basketball game and of course, the lights and the bathroom did not work. This lady that I did not even recognize made me hold my cell phone over the stall to provide her with a light. This past summer, I was sitting in my room, minding my own business when my ceiling fan became very shaky and made loud noises. Next thing I know, one of the blades is flying off and coming at me! I dove off the chair with my super quick lifeguard reflexes and survived the attack. These are few of many weird situations that have struck me. I'm like a weirdo magnet. I'm not complaining at all. It's hilarious. Unless it's a near death experience like the time my ceiling fan attacked me.

Manly Men Men Men

Men men men men manly men men.  ooohooooo im going to miss this manly show woo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo men men men men manly man. Two and a Half Men. It's one of my all time favorite shows. I love Jake and his young naiveness (i do not even know if that is a word), and Alan reminds me of my Uncle Mark with some of his nerdy and hilarious comments, and Rose and her stalkerness, and Evelyn and her Real Estate classy rich outlook on her life, and of course, Berta with her snarky comments to everyone. It's a shame. It's seems to me as if Charlie Sheen has turned into Charlie Harper. Ok, Charlie Harper a little bit to the extreme.  Whatever. Two and a Half Men is a genius and geniunely funny show. And now that's it is done for the rest of the season and probably the rest of forever, I will not know what to do with myself on Monday nights at nine o'clock. Also, today, Charlie Sheen joined twitter. I am looking forward to tweeting him asking for life advice. If this man cannot help himself, somebody better step it. Jake needs a better role model. And I need something to watch on Mondays at 9PM. Mr. Sheen should get his act together, apologize to Chuck Lorre and get back to Two and a Half Men.

Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down

It's raining and depressing and dreary outside. And it's a Monday. And I hate when people open my mail. It's addressed to me. That means I'm supposed to open and read it. If it had your name on it as well, go ahead open it. But it doesn't. I do not open my mother's mail or my father's mail. I would very much like to be the person to open my own acceptance letter to a school. I would very much like to be the person to open an inivitation for a party that I am invited to. I would very much like to be the person to open a letter to me from my friend overseas. I don't want it pre-opened. It ruins the excitement. What's the point in me reading it if you already have? I'll just ask you for a summary of what the letter says. And when you leave out important information, such as the deadline for the essay for the scholarship is March 1st, oh and you need a teacher reccommendation letter, I'm going to blame you. Yes, I probably should've read it. It's my fault. But bottom line, Mom and Dad, DON'T OPEN MY MAIL. Thank you.

Give Me a Recording Contract, Please.

Today I was listening to the radio and I found myself wondering, how in the world did Kesha, I'm sorry, Ke$ha, get a recording contract? Her music to me is computerized crap. She even "sings" about crap. She doesn't even sing, she just talks. She wears interesting clothing (by interesting i mean slutty and outlandish) and a buttload of makeup. Give me a recording contract please. I can wear nutty outfits and just be plain outlandish and edit my voice to sound like a computer. I would have a nice life for doing absolutely nothing. Like Kesha.

People are Stupid

Ya know what's the worst? Stupid people. Stupid people on the road. Stupid people in school. Stupid people in a store. Stupid people in general. They just seem to get in my way. I believe that stupid people should wear signs around their necks or stick a post-it note to their foreheads that warns us non-stupid people. If I ever saw someone with a post it note on their head, it wouldn't even have to label them as stupid, I would just automatically assume it, I would know to just avoid that person. Life would be so much easier.  Yet, in a sense, I think that most people are stupid. Not us, it's others. Say, if someone ate a bad apple or whatever and was like, "OMG this is gross, taste this." Where is the logic in that? Why would I want to taste your bad apple? Anyway, I'm tired and I think I'm going to go to bed. If no stupid people interrupt the track to my bedroom.