Wednesday, August 8, 2012

My TV Twin: Peggy Bundy

      As you all know, I watch a lot of TV. Probably too much by most people's standards. That is, unless you are Peg Bundy. Recently, I've re-discovered my love for the Bundy family and I have been watching a lot of Married With Children. I've decided that I am Peg Bundy. Peg sits on her couch watching TV all day. She watches the home shopping network, Oprah, the Jeffersons....anything. Exactly like me. And if she is not watching TV and eating Bonbons, she is out shopping. When I am not home watching Everybody Loves Raymond (my favorite show) or QVC or the Game Show Network, I am also out shopping. Shopping and watching TV are the two things I do best. Spending all of Al's money and watching TV are the two things Peggy Bundy does best. I was recently watching one of last episodes from the 11th season. Bud invites this girl, Starla, over and she shows up with a gun and holds the Bundys hostage. Al is holding the remote when Starla shoots it right out of his hand. Peg begins to cry and runs to Al, yet pushes him out of the way and holds her remote like a baby crying. Like Peggy, That explains my love for my television remote. When the fall preview edition of TV Guide magazine comes out, Peg goes nuts. She can't wait to watch all of the new primetime shows.  Her life revolves around her TV schedule, as does mine. Tuesday nights, I cannot leave my couch. Dance Moms AND Sons of Anarchy is on. And I hate watching things later, like on demand. It is convenient, but it's less exciting. Call me crazy. Peg Bundy wouldn't.
      Peg also does not cook. Her family starves as she sits on the couch watching Oprah and eating Bonbons. I don't know what happened to me, but the family cooking gene skipped right over me. I can't even use a microwave properly. I once put hot chocolate in the microwave for 11 1/2 minutes. It blew up by minute 6 and covered my friend's kitchen with extremely hot chocolately liquid. Peg doesn't even attempt any more. Like me. In one episode, Peg is out shopping and Al comes home from work. She leaves him a note saying that their is a hot plate in the oven for him. All excited, Al opens the oven to literally find a hot plate. Nothing on it. Just...a plate in the oven. Classic Peg.
       I hate cleaning. I don't do it. Every now and then, my mother will walk in my room and yell something about how messy it is. I just say, "Ok, Mom yeah whatever." I put my clothes away. But then, some I just have no room for. After 20 years of collecting crap, I have run out of space for it in my room. And no, I don't feel like going through it. Peg Bundy wouldn't, so why should I? Peggy doesn't clean. There is one episode where she hits the couch with a whip and mountains of dust fly off. Like Peggy, cleaning gets in the way of my watching TV. And no, I can't do both. The TV gets my full attention.
       So I guess what I'm getting at here is....give me some big red hair and a box of Bonbons and I am Peg Bundy. I've found my TV character twin.
Can I get a "whoaaa Bundy?"

"There are two things Peggy Bundy doesn't do. Number one: cook, clean, sew, vacuum, iron, and parent. Number two: exercise."