Twister

I was at my Noni's tonight when I saw the footage from Oklahoma for the first time today. I can't even imagine what these people must be going through.

I'm in NEPA. We rarely see this kind of action. Yet, I remember when I was little, like...1st grade....we had a tornado watch. I didn't really know what exactly a tornado was. Once, my mom and dad were watching the movie Twister and it scared me half to death. Then I went inside during this tornado watch and on the screen was a real life scene from Twister. From that day forward, I was deathly afraid of tornadoes. I couldn't sleep at night because I would worry about a tornado coming. This went on for years. I would hear thunder and I would think TORNADO.

Then one day I actually sat down and watched a Storm Stories marathon on the Weather Channel for a good 12 hours. This was the start to my "I want to be a meteorologist" phase. The only channel I ever watched was The Weather Channel. I was in 3rd or 4th grade. I watched The Weather Channel 24/7. This might tell you what kind of kid I was....and the kind of weird person I am. Anyway, this Storm Stories marathon inspired me. Not only did I want to be a meteorologist, I wanted to be a storm chaser. This was the beginning to my adrenaline junkie phase that hasn't ended yet. Then once I actually watched the movie Twister and all I wanted was to be Helen Hunt in that movie. That movie became my bible.

That might be an exaggeration.

Then I hit the 6th grade, when we began to learn the nitty gritty stuff of meteorology. That was the end of my "I want to be a meteorologist" phase.

 Yet, the adrenaline junkie phase still lives on. I would tag along with a storm chaser in a heart beat. I'd chase a tornado myself. A small one. In NEPA. Near a mountain that would kill it. Since the path of a twister can really change at any second, I'd like to be with professionals who knew what they were doing.

I've got CNN (found my remote) on right now and all I can think is "I want to be Helen Hunt in Twister." Why didn't I follow those storm chaser dreams? Why can't I like science more? I can't even imagine a mile wide tornado. A MILE. That's huge. But Helen Hunt dealt with one in the movie Twister. And right now, I'm kind of wishing I was a storm chaser, out there following that twister and figuring out the science behind it. How on Earth did it stay on the ground for 40 minutes? How can we better predict it and warn the people sooner?

Finally, I'd like to say, I'd like to get caught up in the eye of the twister and survive like Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton.

Also, someone on CNN just said it was exactly like the movie Twister. There were cows flying around and cars. Crazy.

God bless the people of Oklahoma.
You can help the people of Oklahoma by donating to the Red Cross. Text REDCROSS to 90999.

The Real Crisis Today

Ok, I think it's time to address the big issue we're all facing today.

Television remotes.

Ten years ago, I had one television clicker. When I hit the power button, the TV turned on right away. If I wanted to change the channel, I hit the channel up or down button. If I wanted to change the volume, I hit the volume up or down button.

Now, there are 4 remotes by my bed side. I pick up the Vizio remote to turn the TV on. It takes agood 45 seconds for the TV to turn on, so if you walk in your house at 8:59:15 on a Sunday night just in time (or so you think) for the Celebrity Apprentice, you are screwed. You will miss the very beginning. Then, if the TV is on the wrong channel, forget it. You can't just hit the channel button on that remote. You have to dig for the Comcast remote to change the channel. And when you change the channel, if it's too loud, you then have to find the Universal remote you purchased in Walmart to change the volume. If I lose the Vizio remote, I can't turn the TV on or off. Then I live by the sleep timer on the universal remote...if the TV was on when I lost the Vizio remote. This new TV doesn't have buttons on it so if I lose any remotes, I'm dead. And this is my crisis right now. My channel has been stuck on NBC for 2 weeks. NBC of all channels, (no offense to NBC, but you're failing) and I can't change it. So last night, while I was watching the Celebrity Apprentice finale, I wanted to flip channels on commercials to the Billboard Music Awards. So to "flip channels" I had to run into my sisters' room. I certainly got my exercise for a week.
Then, downstairs on the nice big TV we have one of the HD boxes. I have everything programed on one remote, but when you hit the "All On" button, the TV might come on, but the box and the sound bar will not. Or...the box will come on, but the TV will not. Then it's all out of sync until you hit the button 100 times and they all finally turn on at once. Then, at night when you turn the TV/Box/Sound bar "off," you come down in the morning only to notice the TV was all night, but you would never know because the box and the sound bar turned off so it's just a black screen. See, I though technology was supposed to make things easier. Why has it made my TV viewing experience terribly complicated?





I joke about my "real" crisis, but I realize I am terribly lucky today. Prayers to Oklahoma and everyone in the path of those storms.

Questions to Ponder

I often have trouble sleeping at night....or concentrating on anything. I've figured out why but I don't know how to stop it. My mind races with all these questions I want the answers to, but I don't know where to look for those answers. I figure, maybe you all can help.

Is there actually a doctor named Dr. Pepper?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, then why is there a song about it?
You know that kid's show Martha Speaks? Who names their dog Martha?
Why aren't I famous yet?
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat "Macaroni?"
Is there an actual Sesame Street?
On that theme, why does everyone forget about Grover because he is the funniest Sesame Street character?
How come when I put something down somewhere it magically hops to somewhere else and then I can't find it?
Is my memory just bad? It shouldn't be because I watch GSN.
If a woman becomes President, what do we call her husband? First Man? 
If you get "half scared to death" twice, then what happens?
Why do Sauna Pants exist?
How does a Real Estate company sell its office without causing confusion?
Along those lines....how do you throw away a garbage can?
You know when you're listening to a song and you think you know the words but they're not close at all? Does an artist sing different words to just mess us up?
Why is the TV telling me it's great to be a worm right now?
Why is Fox News still a thing?
Why are some people such butt heads?
Can you cry under water?
Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it? and the F and J keys on the keyboard?
When does murder become assassination?
How were sports invented? There's so many rules. Who has that kind of time?
Or card games? I love sports and card games but who has time to think of all these things with all these rules and these scoring methods and all that other crap?
Why is football called football? In every other country they call soccer "football." So why couldn't we have just done that called football "soccer?"
Why is a strike bad in baseball but good in bowling?
If you have braces and you die, do they bury you with your braces on?
 Why do Atheists exist? Because if there is a God, you've ruined all chances of making it into Heaven. Give yourself a little leeway.
Religion again...If every religion says, "if you don't believe in our religion, you're going to Hell," then doesn't everybody just go to Hell?
What's with the Easter bunny and eggs? A bunny does not lay eggs. Unless I missed that day in school.
How do you perform a Citizen's Arrest? (ok this one I could research but a. I'm too lazy and 2. I usually don't think about it until I'm almost asleep.)
My mom always says things like, "you know....they say..." or "you know what they say..." WHO ARE THEY?
Who came up with the name Oogie Pringle?
Sliced bread is great and all, but why don't we say, "That's the best thing since television?"

Life's Struggles

I've come across many struggles in life. Death, depression, addiction (to candy crush), missing my TV shows...you get the idea. But one of the biggest and most annoying is the struggle I constantly have with my closet. There's simply not enough room. I've collected 20 years worth of stuff in a 2 by some other small number space. I have dressers galore. My closet has every kind of organizing pinterest trick you can imagine. Still, some clothes just have to be stored on the floor.
I wish I was Carrie Bradshaw in the Sex and the City movie. She gets this gorgeous apartment in Manhattan with Big and then she gets a PERFECT closet. I fantasize about the day all of those things happen to me. But especially the closet part.
I also have a slight shopping addiction. Ok it's not slight, it's huge. It's bad. It's a problem. If I am not rich AND I don't marry rich, I will have a problem. I figure may have to do with my small closet problem. But even if I don't really have a shopping addiction, I still could use a bigger closet. I have containers under my bed with clothes. I have clothes hanging on the back of my door. And you know what the big problem is? I don't wear half of it, yet when I go through it I think, "No I might wear this someday." Or something like, "As soon as I give this to the Sally, I will be looking for it." It always seems to work out that way. So then....I keep it. Stuff I haven't worn in years...or ever. It's still here in my room haunting me. "whyyyy did you buy me if you were never going to wear me?' "look at all this money wasteddddd" "you're just going to let me sit here in this crowded closet?"
I don't know if clothes have thoughts but that's what I imagine them to be.
Who am I kidding? Clothes don't have brains so they don't have thoughts.
What if things without brains could have thoughts?
Now I'm getting off topic.
The point here is....I need a separate room...or house...to use as a closet. It would make life much easier. You would actually be able to see my blue carpet instead of a somewhat blue carpet mixed with denim and green and purple and black and Lilly Pulitzer prints. It is a constant struggle between me and my closet and my clothes and possibly my shopping addiction. I know the solution: get rich and build a bigger closet. But the getting rich part seems to be harder than I expected so if any of you have a faster solutions, suggestions are greatly appreciated.

We Are the Only Species That Laughs

I never expected to be inspired, awed, and lifted tonight when I went to see Joan Rivers. She is really truly hilarious. Yes, she can be offensive. But I think this world needs to lighten up. Her off color remarks had me tearing with laughter. I got an ab workout during the show, better than any other workout I've ever done. And she recommends laughter as a workout. Who doesn't like to laugh?
You know what she said yo me at the end? (Not necessarily just to me but it felt like it) She said, "We are the only species that laughs." She's right. It's a gift we've been given. You don't see cows laughing. Or dogs. No matter what you may think. We are the only species that laughs.
Joan talked about her life. The ups and downs, the cruelness (idk if that's a word) and fabulousness of show business and just how hard it was to get to now. She is almost 80 years old. She's still going. But it wasn't all fun and games. It took her 7 years to get noticed. She worked on shows as a comedy writer. A woman comedy writer. Unheard of in those days. Even after she had established herself, she struggled. After her husband committed suicide, someone told her that no one would laugh at a woman whose husband had just committed suicide. She fell backwards. Back to being a nobody. Then E! put her on the red carpet and she spoke those fabulous words "Who are you wearing?" Suddenly, Joan was back.
She made fun of countless celebrities, even some people in the audience during the Q&A. I raised my hand and stood up to ask her a question but the microphone dudes never came to my rescue. I even had a crowd of gay men behind me trying to help. No luck. But she was inspiring. She reminded me of myself in weird ways.
She talked about how she always knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life. Show business. She called it "luck." She never had to ponder, "what do I want to do with my life?" She knew. And she said, once you know, put your blinders on and take that road. Don't worry about other people. It's your life. Live it.
She was fabulously entertaining and wonderfully inspiring. Not exactly what I expected from Joan, but exactly what I needed.

Whoaaa Nelly! What a Great Idea!

I know I haven't posted in a while. I haven't been inspired. But today, I was inspired. A little maybe. We'll see how this goes...
I come up with these great ideas.
At least, I think they are great ideas.
I want a pet dolphin.
I'm totally against dolphins and captivity and all that jazz and if you're not, go watch The Cove. But anyways, it's a nice dream.
I could buy an ocean and put my pet dolphin Nelly in it. I would play with Nelly and swim with her and we would have a great time. Eventually, I'd have to buy her some dolphin friends but buying an ocean is going to put a dent in my checkbook.
I'd buy a boat so I can take Nelly for a swim like people take their dogs for walks. I'd put her on a leash and I'd sit in the boat and she could just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming swimming swimming. Not too far though because then I'd probably get lost and my boat probably won't be that big because ya know, the whole buying an ocean thing but whatever. And when Nelly pulls on the leash like a dog, I can yell "Whoaaaa Nellyyyy!"
This whole idea came to me as I was driving to Seaside Heights and saw all the boats in the marina before you go over the bridge. And dolphins are my favorite animals so that's my obvious pet choice.
I also like killer whales also known as orcas. My pet killer whale would be like Free Willy. A nice whale. One of my best friends really. I haven't picked a name for my whale yet because I don't want to get too excited if I can't afford him/her, but maybe a name like....Kim Kardashian.
I have a lot of other great ideas, like turning the roads into waterways and making everyone kayak everywhere. We'd all be in mad shape, but it would take a lot longer to get places. I also realize there's a lot of other holes in that idea. I'll work on it.
I can't remember my other great ideas. Maybe they weren't so great. Or maybe I'm like Dory and I can't remember things.
I'm going to start writing every idea down. There must be an app for working out great ideas. If there's not, I'm going to make one. What a great idea.

2 Weeks Left of this No Potato Existence

Ok, so I cheated. I ate French fries on Parade Day. They convinced me it was a holiday and so it didn't count. I also ate potatoes at dinner tonight. But the plan was to have tacos for dinner. Then it snowed and my car's in a ditch and I ended up at Noni's and she was having potatoes for dinner so I ate them.
But other than these two incidents, I have not eaten potatoes. Even if that Sunday rule does exist, I still have not eaten a potato on a Sunday. FOr the full 40 days or whatever, I've tried very hard to go sans potato. Now, I only have two weeks left. I will not eat another potato until Easter, when I will eat all the potatoes in the land...covered in cheese. Probably. Just a guess.