Have you ever tried to diagnose yourself using WebMD? Well I have. I use it all the time. Why? I have no idea, because every time, it scares the living day lights out of me.
I was on today. There is probably nothing at all wrong with me. I just noticed I was very tired today and my throat hurt. Yet, this time, I also decided to include all the symptoms I have all the time. Like, for instance, insomnia or dry eyes. I put in my symptoms thinking, hey, maybe all my problems could be linked. This is what I got : It says I could have inhaled anthrax. I could have the bird flu, the Plague, ricin poisoning, West Nile Virus, acute sinusitis, appendicitis, throat cancer, toxic shock syndrome, fibromyalgia, anorexia, cocaine abuse, dehydration, dementia, vertigo, ectopic pregnancy, "exercise or physical activity" (i don't know, either), mumps, diverticulitis, ovarian cancer, common cold, scarlet fever, schizophrenia, or radiation sickness.
What in the world?
Now I have become unreasonably (hopefully) scared for my life.
I of course click on each problem to see what it's all about. Some of them have giant red boxes underneath the name that say EMERGENCY. Call 911 immediately. It's possibly the scariest thing ever. Even scarier than that haunted house I went through at Dracula's Forest at Halloween.
Every time I visit WebMD, i get results like this. It frightens me. Every time. And I never have any of these serious problems. It's usually nothing.
I often wonder how many people call 911 and tell them that according to WebMD, I have most of the symptoms of Ricin poisoning. Is WebMD becoming a problem, tying up 911 lines? Does anyone else freak out when they go on WebMD like I do? I would imagine people have to freak out. It tells them they have a life-threatening disease. Or...like ricin poisoning, a completely fatal disease. No way of surviving. Sorry.
I don't think I've ever eaten a ricin bean. I don't even know what a ricin bean is. Yet, I am sitting here deathly afraid that I have ricin poisoning.
Why do I continue to put myself through this torture?
I don't know what I'm here writing for, since it's possible I may die of the Plague soon. So I'm going to go live like it's my last day.
Everybody Loves Raymond is on TVLand.
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