Questions to Ponder

I often have trouble sleeping at night....or concentrating on anything. I've figured out why but I don't know how to stop it. My mind races with all these questions I want the answers to, but I don't know where to look for those answers. I figure, maybe you all can help.

Is there actually a doctor named Dr. Pepper?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, then why is there a song about it?
You know that kid's show Martha Speaks? Who names their dog Martha?
Why aren't I famous yet?
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat "Macaroni?"
Is there an actual Sesame Street?
On that theme, why does everyone forget about Grover because he is the funniest Sesame Street character?
How come when I put something down somewhere it magically hops to somewhere else and then I can't find it?
Is my memory just bad? It shouldn't be because I watch GSN.
If a woman becomes President, what do we call her husband? First Man? 
If you get "half scared to death" twice, then what happens?
Why do Sauna Pants exist?
How does a Real Estate company sell its office without causing confusion?
Along those lines....how do you throw away a garbage can?
You know when you're listening to a song and you think you know the words but they're not close at all? Does an artist sing different words to just mess us up?
Why is the TV telling me it's great to be a worm right now?
Why is Fox News still a thing?
Why are some people such butt heads?
Can you cry under water?
Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it? and the F and J keys on the keyboard?
When does murder become assassination?
How were sports invented? There's so many rules. Who has that kind of time?
Or card games? I love sports and card games but who has time to think of all these things with all these rules and these scoring methods and all that other crap?
Why is football called football? In every other country they call soccer "football." So why couldn't we have just done that called football "soccer?"
Why is a strike bad in baseball but good in bowling?
If you have braces and you die, do they bury you with your braces on?
 Why do Atheists exist? Because if there is a God, you've ruined all chances of making it into Heaven. Give yourself a little leeway.
Religion again...If every religion says, "if you don't believe in our religion, you're going to Hell," then doesn't everybody just go to Hell?
What's with the Easter bunny and eggs? A bunny does not lay eggs. Unless I missed that day in school.
How do you perform a Citizen's Arrest? (ok this one I could research but a. I'm too lazy and 2. I usually don't think about it until I'm almost asleep.)
My mom always says things like, "you know....they say..." or "you know what they say..." WHO ARE THEY?
Who came up with the name Oogie Pringle?
Sliced bread is great and all, but why don't we say, "That's the best thing since television?"