GOD TAKES SUMMERS OFF

Funny, I was just driving along today when I noticed a sign in front of a church which read, "It's fall, time to go back to church again!" And I thought, wait a second. Has church become like school? Do I get summers off now? Why was I not aware of this? Does Jesus get three months off? Does God get three months off now? If I pray during the summer do they toss it aside for the fall? Do priests get the summer off? What if I have to get something off my chest? Who do I confess to? What if someone dies? Are they put in a line at the gate of Heaven (or Hell) that reads, "Opens Again in the Fall?"I bet they still run the collection baskets during the summer months. Where do these churches even get money to stay open? I'm sure giving them a dollar a week doesn't help much. Especially if they're off in the summer. Does faith now take a holiday? Is it unholy to be holy in the summer?  Do they stop printing the Bible during summer months? Should I not open the Bible during the summer? Where would I find a Bible in my house? Should I be at all concerned that God is not working in the summer? How come I have not seen this advertised at other churches? Wouldn't this be in the church bulletin? You would think it would be the headline : GOD TAKES SUMMER OFF : Church Will Follow. Maybe that's why there were so many disasters this year. God took some time off. Is the world really ending? Could December 22, 2012 really be the end of life as I know it? What would happen to the Earth? Where would all the people go? I hear Heaven is already crowded. What about life on other planets? Would they all die too? Is there life on other planets? I wonder where those planets would be. Does space just go on forever? How could it go on forever? But where would it end? What would be after that? Nothing? How can there be nothing? What is nothing? There couldn't be nothing in place of Earth and us. What was there before us? before Earth? Where did time start? the beginning of time? What is that? How could time just begin? How could it just end? What was before time? Before that? Anyway, if the people upstairs take the summers off, I think everyone should have the summers off. Kind of like, Sundays,  unless you're a nurse or doctor. You have to work weekends, holidays, all that other crap. Which is why I will not be one of those. Plus, I don't really like science. Unless it has to do with marine life.

Who are "They?"

My mother today said to me, "ya know, they say that a splash of red is really in this season." I looked at her sort of puzzled and thought, who is they? Or, well, who are they? Usually, when she says "they" she means anyone on the Today Show because whatever Matt Lauer says is the ultimate truth, but it puzzles me. Even as I watch Kathie Lee and Hoda in the morning, they will say, "Ya know, they say you have to wash your hands for at least thirty seconds." Or, "Ya know, they say it's ok to drink well before noon." Who is this "they?" Is there a group of people out there that call themselves "THEY" that get together every so often and have meetings and come up with these ridiculous "facts" and "trends." It's starting to worry me. They are influencing the world. Kind of like Oprah. I'm desperate to know who these people are. It goes across the board, even with movie or TV reviews. My mom and I were talking about the new Charlie's Angels the other day and she says to me, "they said that was awful." Who? Who said it was awful? Who's they? Cite your sources, people.

The Oprah Effect

I never really thought about it before, but Oprah is definitely the most powerful person in the world. She has been on the air for several decades, therefore, has touched the lives of many women...and men. She now has her very OWN (pun intended) television station. She's had her own magazine, which she is always on the cover of. She comes across as a normal woman with the same struggles and every day people, she just has billions of dollars more than the rest of us. But, when you think about it, she influences the every day lives of these people. She tells them to read a book, it becomes a best seller. She tells them to buy KFC's grilled chicken, they run out of chicken. My sister was in the car with her friend and her mother one day and the mom's phone rang and she said, "Answer that, I promised Oprah I wouldn't." It's incredible. She is like a God to some people. I am surprised that there is no Oprah religion. Who knows? Maybe there is and I just don't know about it. I guess it's good that it's Oprah that has this effect, and not, say, Lindsay Lohan, but it is still a little scary when you think about it.

Dear PA Department of Transportation

I cannot drive down any NEPA road without hitting a pot hole. It is impossible. I can't ride a scooter without nearly dying. And rollerskating? Forget it. But the worst part of it all, my CD's are all ruined. Every time I hit a pot hole, which is about every two seconds, the CD skips. Then, it eventually is permanently ruined. My Britney Spears CD now goes..."I I I I Wanna I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I." Talk about annoying. So, I think that the state of Pennsylvania should do something about this.  Here's my proposal. Pave the roads, replace PA drivers' CD's. I should file a claim for all the CD's these roads have ruined. Well, this is my venting session for today.

Power's Out? Again?

I live in a neighborhood that does not have too many trees I guess. I don't know what it would matter seeing as our power lines are underground. But somehow, our power seems to go out at least twice a week.   There is a little breeze and the power is out. Forget that, someone sneezes and the power goes out. This has proven to be a real problem. Usually when the power goes out, I need to print something, or submit a paper online or something ridiculously important. I have noticed that many people in the neighborhood have invested in generators. Every time the power goes out, I swear I hear another one added to the group. But I know, if I buy a generator, the power will never go out. That's just the way my life works. It's sad and unfortunate. So much for the luck of the Irish. Do Italians statistically have bad luck? Maybe I've inherited their side. Whatever it is, PPL needs to step up and fix this problem, because I do no understand it one bit. I am afraid one day we will never have power. I will move and the power will go out. I will get out of bed and the power will go out. Oh wait, that happened this morning. Thanks, Irene.

Going to the Dentist : The Soundtrack

I was sitting in the car on Friday on my way to Boston when a song came on the radio that I know I've heard a thousand times. Then I realized, every time I am anxiously waiting to get my teeth cleaned because it's just so fun and exciting, this song is playing. Maybe not, maybe I just heard it once in the dentist office waiting room and it just screams TEETH CLEANING SOON, or maybe it's THE dentist office waiting room song.

Long Run - The Eagles

I Survived the Quake 2011

So, in my modern belief class with Sister Mary Ann, just chilling. Ya know, first day of class stuff. I felt this weird movement from below. FIghting the urge to turn around and yell at the person behind me to stop kicking my seat, I sat there in disgust. Then I realized that I was in the last row and no one was behind me and the building was moving. Everyone started looking around at each other and we were all asking what was going on. It felt like an earthquake. Oh, the irony of my thoughts. Sister Mary Ann didn't even miss a beat, she just kept talking about some long word that begins with an H. A few minutes later the guy next to me puts his phone on  my desk with a message from NBC. An earthquake had hit Virginia. I couldn't contain my excitement. I don't know why I was excited. It was just thrilling and had my adrenaline rushing.   Sister Mary Ann let out of class early and I walked outside and everyone is sitting there yelling and talking on the phone. DID YOU FEEL THE EARTHQUAKE? I couldn't escape this. Every where I went it was earthquake central. Earthquake epicenter. It was the only thing everyone was talking about.
So, on my way home, I stopped in KFC. There was a perfectly lovely African American woman in front of me who was trying to decide what to order. It was taking her a while, but I didn't really care. I survived an earthquake. So, she finishes and steps aside and I pull up to the counter and order my mashed potato bowl and step to the side. I heard the woman say, "Oh man how about that earthquake?" The woman next to her said she didn't feel it, and that's when I jumped in to the convo and told my story. This African American woman just made my day. She let me talk about the earthquake that I had just survived and she just seemed like an awesome person. She then chimes in with her story, (read with big black woman voice) "I was sitting on my bed and it just started movie and I was like, OH MY GOD what's happening? Who's movie my bed? I'm the only one home?" She cracked me up. We talked for a while and voila, I made a new friend in KFC. A fellow earthquake survivor. I'm meeting her next week, same time, same place.  It's nice how tragedies bring people together. However, I wouldn't classify this as a tragedy from my end, but maybe for some people down in Virginia it was. Hope all is well. Anyway, my adrenaline is still rushing and this blog entry is allllll overrr the place, I know. I just had to get these thoughts down and tell someone how this lovely black woman made my day. Come to think of it, I don't know her name... I guess I'll find out when we have lunch next week.