It's been a while since I've written in my blog and to that, I apologize. I have been doing endless soul searching (and shopping, but that's a different story) trying to figure out what in the world I am doing with my life. Don't worry, I'm no where closer now than I was then…or ever.
About a week ago (sorry I couldn't resist), really, about a year ago, I found out that I would be graduating college early. Yipee! Right? Not exactly. This just means that I have more work to cram in and less time to figure out what next. Well, everyone can stop asking me now, because, really, I have no flipping clue. Does anyone ever really know? I guess if you're going to school to be a teacher, you find a teaching job. Pre-med? Med school. Accounting? Accountant. Communications? TV writer? director? producer? journalist? editor? All of the above? I don't have a set path. I mean, I'd love to be like a Ray Romano or a Tina Fey and create, produce, and act in my own TV show. Where do I start? Comedy school? Get a side job and just keep writing? Find a production assistant job and work my way up? Whatever it is, I don't know, but what I do know is that it's going to take major time to work my way to where I want to be. No one else understands this. The entertainment industry is "fluff." I'm going into an impossible world. It will never happen. I will never be able to do what I want to do. This is what people say, maybe not so directly, but they might as well.
"So, Erica, what do you want to do with your life?"
"Well, I'd love to be a TV writer and comedienne."
"Oh, that's nice, what's your back-up plan?"
Hey, I don't have one.
I don't even really have a plan A.
When I was in the second grade, we were having a school play. The subject was baseball. I remember, I wanted to be Britney Spears. She was my idol. She was my everything, really. To be Britney Spears, I had to make myself stand out. I had to entertain people. So finally, during music class one day, I mustered up the courage to sing "Here Comes Peter Cotton Tail" and nailed the audition to have a singing part in the school play. I was ecstatic and I knew - this was my first step to becoming Britney.
Of course, it can't be that easy. There had to be some kind of obstacles in my way to becoming Britney Spears. And there it was. The day of the school play, I was playing tag at recess. I ran into a pole and chipped my two front teeth. That's right, I ran into a pole. The school nurse didn't even believe me. She questioned me about a hundred times. "So, you tripped and fell into the pole?" No. Nope. I ran right into it. I felt the pieces of the teeth in my mouth and spit them out and started immediately crying. Talk about Oops!
So I cried and cried, but luckily my dentist got me in before the play and fixed my teeth and everything was fine. I was great. Probably the best rendition of Take Me Out to the Ball Game of any second grader ever. And now, every day, I look in the mirror and see that stupid cap on my tooth and I am reminded of the tragic, yet life changing experience I had with "the biz" in the second grade. I know where I want to be. I know there's a way to get there. I know there will be obstacles (hopefully I won't run into any more poles). I know that it may not work out, but in the end, I'll find my way. Whether it is in the entertainment industry, or in something else. Does anyone ever really know where there life will take them? And if we did, would we try to change it? Would life even be worth living? Diving into the unknown is the thrilling part. And I'm an adrenaline junkie, so this should be fun. Nothing is really worth fear. Fear is such an abstract feeling. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. It wasn't meant to be. If you never try because of fear, you will never get anywhere.
This is my little insight for today. Now, I have some more Gossip Girl to watch, so if you'll excuse me. Watch our for those evil poles on the playground….or on the street.
I loved finger painting in kindergarten. I grew ups saying I wanted to be an artist...to which people would say artist's are all poor and starving. Well, now I'm poor. And to boot, most artists aren't really famous until after they die. Plus painting is really an expensive hobby, so I try to paint with words. But apparently because I'm so visually oriented, I've never "gotten" grammar & composition. Not to mention I'm not too bad a philosopher, which means I write in a language most people avoid because it is obtuse and multi-dimensional. Then there's the fact I'm strange because I'm an artist and we're out of sync with the world around us. And don't get me started on politics, and greed, and all the crooked shit people do to make more money and work a little less hard. If people would just be honest--especially in business--the world would be a much nicer place.
ReplyDeleteWhat I guess I'm trying to say is do what you need to survive but never give up your dreams because the people who don't dream are the ones who are screwing things up for the rest of us. Or something like that.
And be a leader who makes other leaders. Not an idol, but a student and a teacher with a world-class bullshit meter, even for her own bullshit.
Don't allow anyone to diminish you, and don't you feed your ego by diminishing others. If people don't like you because you're kind you don't want those people in your life.
Hell Neon, just be you.
Well, hopefully with a bit less drinking and a lot more seriousness about your sense of humor.