GOD TAKES SUMMERS OFF

Funny, I was just driving along today when I noticed a sign in front of a church which read, "It's fall, time to go back to church again!" And I thought, wait a second. Has church become like school? Do I get summers off now? Why was I not aware of this? Does Jesus get three months off? Does God get three months off now? If I pray during the summer do they toss it aside for the fall? Do priests get the summer off? What if I have to get something off my chest? Who do I confess to? What if someone dies? Are they put in a line at the gate of Heaven (or Hell) that reads, "Opens Again in the Fall?"I bet they still run the collection baskets during the summer months. Where do these churches even get money to stay open? I'm sure giving them a dollar a week doesn't help much. Especially if they're off in the summer. Does faith now take a holiday? Is it unholy to be holy in the summer?  Do they stop printing the Bible during summer months? Should I not open the Bible during the summer? Where would I find a Bible in my house? Should I be at all concerned that God is not working in the summer? How come I have not seen this advertised at other churches? Wouldn't this be in the church bulletin? You would think it would be the headline : GOD TAKES SUMMER OFF : Church Will Follow. Maybe that's why there were so many disasters this year. God took some time off. Is the world really ending? Could December 22, 2012 really be the end of life as I know it? What would happen to the Earth? Where would all the people go? I hear Heaven is already crowded. What about life on other planets? Would they all die too? Is there life on other planets? I wonder where those planets would be. Does space just go on forever? How could it go on forever? But where would it end? What would be after that? Nothing? How can there be nothing? What is nothing? There couldn't be nothing in place of Earth and us. What was there before us? before Earth? Where did time start? the beginning of time? What is that? How could time just begin? How could it just end? What was before time? Before that? Anyway, if the people upstairs take the summers off, I think everyone should have the summers off. Kind of like, Sundays,  unless you're a nurse or doctor. You have to work weekends, holidays, all that other crap. Which is why I will not be one of those. Plus, I don't really like science. Unless it has to do with marine life.

Who are "They?"

My mother today said to me, "ya know, they say that a splash of red is really in this season." I looked at her sort of puzzled and thought, who is they? Or, well, who are they? Usually, when she says "they" she means anyone on the Today Show because whatever Matt Lauer says is the ultimate truth, but it puzzles me. Even as I watch Kathie Lee and Hoda in the morning, they will say, "Ya know, they say you have to wash your hands for at least thirty seconds." Or, "Ya know, they say it's ok to drink well before noon." Who is this "they?" Is there a group of people out there that call themselves "THEY" that get together every so often and have meetings and come up with these ridiculous "facts" and "trends." It's starting to worry me. They are influencing the world. Kind of like Oprah. I'm desperate to know who these people are. It goes across the board, even with movie or TV reviews. My mom and I were talking about the new Charlie's Angels the other day and she says to me, "they said that was awful." Who? Who said it was awful? Who's they? Cite your sources, people.

The Oprah Effect

I never really thought about it before, but Oprah is definitely the most powerful person in the world. She has been on the air for several decades, therefore, has touched the lives of many women...and men. She now has her very OWN (pun intended) television station. She's had her own magazine, which she is always on the cover of. She comes across as a normal woman with the same struggles and every day people, she just has billions of dollars more than the rest of us. But, when you think about it, she influences the every day lives of these people. She tells them to read a book, it becomes a best seller. She tells them to buy KFC's grilled chicken, they run out of chicken. My sister was in the car with her friend and her mother one day and the mom's phone rang and she said, "Answer that, I promised Oprah I wouldn't." It's incredible. She is like a God to some people. I am surprised that there is no Oprah religion. Who knows? Maybe there is and I just don't know about it. I guess it's good that it's Oprah that has this effect, and not, say, Lindsay Lohan, but it is still a little scary when you think about it.

Dear PA Department of Transportation

I cannot drive down any NEPA road without hitting a pot hole. It is impossible. I can't ride a scooter without nearly dying. And rollerskating? Forget it. But the worst part of it all, my CD's are all ruined. Every time I hit a pot hole, which is about every two seconds, the CD skips. Then, it eventually is permanently ruined. My Britney Spears CD now goes..."I I I I Wanna I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I." Talk about annoying. So, I think that the state of Pennsylvania should do something about this.  Here's my proposal. Pave the roads, replace PA drivers' CD's. I should file a claim for all the CD's these roads have ruined. Well, this is my venting session for today.